Sometimes Life IS Hard
I want to scream, yell, cry, run with abandon. I want to hide in my blanket fort with my Snugglies and read a book or take a nap. Yet, I am an adult; so I will smile politely even if I disagree, sit still so not to offend those around me, hold it in so I won't 'make a scene', be respectable as deemed appropriate from the generations that have gone before me.
There was a time when I didn't care who heard me sing at the top of my lungs or saw me dance however the music moved me. The times I actually wanted to be heard. Forced people to hear me. That was before. Before the 'rips', the tears, the 'earthquakes' of life.When I was young, and had all the answers. All the bravado of youth.
Face to face with myself, in the presence of God, as I entered adulthood, I was humbled. The reality set in: Some of the bravado of youth is really just pride.
Seeking after God, desiring to follow no one else, I stood up. I studied Scripture. I cried out for Him. Trying to make sense of the world. Trying to pigeonhole Him into it. Instead of standing on the sandy soil as before, I chose a rockier foundation. The teachings I sat under sounded true. They were based on the Word. I prayed as instructed. I believed and had faith that my prayers would bring my 'heart's desire'; a healing, or a transformation. When that didn't happen, I realized the rock was more shale than granite.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you pray or how much you desire it, no matter what you think the outcome should be, even after you have 'dotted the i's and crossed the t's of faith'-the answer is still "NO, not this time".
We are told, "God works all things out for good for those who love Him" and it did. Each time, God's fingerprints were clearly seen, during and after. He had not forsaken me; but His ways are not our ways and it would do me good to remember that.
So, amongst the crumbling rocky ledge of shaken faith, I found the solid vein of granite Truth that led me away from the edge. A Rock I could firmly place my feet on. It led me to a Secret Place. Maybe you have one. I hope so. Some call it their cave, their "Happy Place". Where you and God come face to face. He meets us in the lowly places, in our caves like with Elijah. The Mighty Tower. The Refuge in the storm. Safety. Peace. A joy from deep within bubbles up here. Where it is truly 'well with my soul'. Where worship naturally flows from the heart.
If you have ever stood near me during worship, you have seen a glimpse of what is happening in the Father's presence. Yet, what you see is only a glimpse; for in the Holy of Holies I am 'dancing with all my might'. I am holding tight to my Lord's hand. I am wrapped in a joy bubble that leaves me longing when I open my eyes.
My heart's worship. Face to face with the Creator God and One who saved me. A touch of heaven on earth. Where peace reigns and I don't have any obligation but to rest at His feet and enjoy His presence.
I was an optimist once. Now, I am seen as a pessimist; yet, I believe I am (as I have heard it said) an 'optimist with experience'. For I have hope-in one thing only. Wisdom confirms that there is a God, who sits on the throne, and will right all these wrongs one day. That my belief in the Son who took my punishment and loves me completely means when my time here is done, I will live in peace, love and joy with the FatherGod all the rest of my days and all this sorrow and pain will be a thing of yesteryear, that I won't even waste thought on. For that, I am extremely grateful.
Do I have joy that passing all understanding? Yes. So many say, "Live a life of abundance!" "We are to spill over with mirth so the world has something to desire." Ok. But what about when the heart is burdened? What about when it's cut in two by death? The destruction of innocents? The darkness of evil? Do we dance around giddy then?
Christ didn't wander around in blissful joy like a Techno-color Disney cartoon. His heart was burdened with the brokenness of this world. Joy was only in the Father. Sure, he enjoyed good times on this earth. He laughed with the Disciples, His closest friends, shared a meal or two...(I may be more Christlike than I thought). It was only through meeting with the Father, in private prayer time, that He could carry the load He had been given. Today, that holds true for us.
How can we walk in this world and not battle depression, anger, hatred even, or illness? Yet, through all of that God tells us to glorify Him. Don't allow it to cause you to sin. We are to share where our strength comes from so others will know. Don't give up. Don't give in. Press on, in the Word. Press in, into the One who knows all before we do and can change anything or strengthen us to persevere. The fact that we still stand, that we continue to do God's will in the midst of such pain and brokenness, is evidence that 'we love because He first loved us'.
We reach out to the Muslim, the criminal, the broken because there is hope that they will repent and come back to God. We shine the Light into the darkness because the LIGHT is ALIVE. We persevere because there is hope.
If you're going to barricade yourself from the hurts of this world, do it in the Mighty Tower that NOTHING else can break, pass, conquer. Surrounded in praise. Worship the King. Let His Presence flow down and through you. Walk in the 'God bubble'. Even if it's only in your mind, in your own secret place.
Maybe you are like me, a more quiet faith that burst when worship happens or conversations of how good God is. My heart grieves for children I cannot hold or for children that are truly 'the devil's playthings'. I get bogged down by the evilness of this world, what I see coming down the pike. Maybe you've been told to smile more, that with Christ there's no place for negative emotions. Just because we believe does not mean we won't feel. Is it easy? No. Will loving the Lord make us run around with 'joy, joy' Stepford-style smiles? No, not really.
Here's the Truth of it: Sometimes, Life is HARD. But we have HOPE.
When I get bogged down, I remind myself that God is on the throne, I don't know what or why but I trust that He is there and I release it to Him. As it is written, "He will not give us more than we can handle".
At that moment, when we feel like we could break in two, when the darkness is crushing us, God asks, "Do you trust me?"
Face to face with the Living God, we can either barge forward in our own strength on our destructive paths or stop, bow in submission, as we get up out of the driver's seat and hand the wheel over to Him, and say, "Take it. It's too much for me. What would YOU have me do?"
He says, "Hold tight to ME. I hear your cries in the dark of night. I know your fears. I know your loss. I am holding you as you cry, for my heart is breaking with yours. Give all these pieces to me. Like pottery, I will create a new thing. Look up, for it has already begun..."
Life is hard in this broken world. All He asks of us is to have faith, hold tight, and trust. One small step at a time. Simple, yet difficult; but altogether worth it. Let the praises begin!
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